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Are you pregnant? The first signs of being pregnant is usually missed periods or very light periods with little bleeding. During the first 12 weeks of pregnancy its common to feel tired, exhausted, emotional and upset

Some people may experience:
  • Frequent need to empty their bladder,
  • Breasts may become larger and feel tender, as they might do before your period. They may also tingle, veins more visible and the nipples may darken and stand out.
  • Backaches and headaches
  • Stretch marks
  • Swollen ankles
  • A strange taste in your mouth which many women describe as metallic
  • Craving for certain types of food or drink
  • Loss of interest in tobacco, certain foods or drinks that you previously enjoyed
  • Heightened sense of smell.
During the pregnancy men may experience;
  • Couvade syndrome is a common condition where the father to be experiences shared symptoms with the mother to be such as – headaches, weight gain, nausea, insomnia and mood swings.
  • Worries about money due to the expense of baby items such as cots, prams, and clothes
Unplanned pregnancy?

It is normal to feel worried, anxious, regret. Women are more prone to prenatal anxiety and postnatal depression and both men and women could experience a breakdown in their relationships if the pregnancy was unplanned.

Prenatal anxiety:

Much like anxiety, prenatal anxiety occurs while you are pregnant and can effect you physically and mentally. Some common effects are;

  • Physically you could experience faster breathing, faster, thumping or irregular heartbeat, panic attacks, sweating, hot flushes, dizziness or nausea
  • Emotionally you could feel nervous, tense or on edge, unable to relax, paranoia, worry, losing touch with reality, overthinking or feeling disconnected with the people around you
Postnatal depression:

Much like depression, postnatal depression occurs while you are pregnant or after you have given birth and can effect you physically and mentally. Postnatal depression is different to the ‘Baby Blues’ which generally happens around 3 – 10 days of giving birth as you struggle to adjust with lots of new demands whilst getting enough sleep. Some common effects of postnatal depression are;

  • Physically you might feel restless, agitated or irritable, numb, reduced appetite, find it hard to sleep, isolated, hostile towards your partner or baby.
  • Emotionally you might feel down, selfish, upset or tearful, hopeless, unable to concentrate, low self esteem or no confidence, guilty, worthless or putting yourself down.

For more information on postnatal anxiety and depression, click here

Tip:

It is worth remembering, whether the pregnancy was planned or unplanned, speaking to family/friends and the father if appropriate can help. There are also a number of agencies that can support you further. You do not need to go through this alone.

What does a check-up/test involve?

Check in with your doctor or midwife who will provide you with information on a variety of lifestyle factors that could influence the pregnancy, such as:

  • What vitamins or nutrition you need or lack,
  • What you diet and food hygiene consists of,
  • The effects of smoking, drinking and drug use whilst pregnant.

They will also advise you to have screening tests to identify physical abnormalities or inherited disorders such as sickle cell. You don’t have to have these tests but it is recommend to do so as the earlier they are identified the more options are available to you to get help

You will also discuss your personal health, family history and possible inherited diseases, such as;

  • If you have had any previous pregnancies or abortions,
  • If you have diabetes or if there is a family history of diabetes,
  • If you have high blood pressure or if there is a family history of high blood pressure.

After this you will book your next antenatal appointments to ensure healthy development of the baby.

You are pregnant and you’ve been for a check up, so what’s next?

A decision needs to be made and you have a few options to chose from, abortion, adoption, fostering or raise the child.

Abortion:

The earlier the better, if an abortion is carried out in the first 12 weeks (ideally before 9 weeks where possible) it will be easier, safer and significantly lower chance of developing a serious health risk. Abortions are also confidential, NHS Funded and you will have access to post abortion counselling if needed. You can also go private for a cost.

There are a number of reasons to have an abortion:

  • There is a significant risk that the baby would be born with a serious physical or mental disability,
  • You are not ready to be a mother,
  • No labour pains or stresses,
  • Unplanned pregnancy halting your education or career
  • Financially can’t cope

After 12 weeks, you put yourself at a higher risk of;

  • Haemorrhage (excessive bleeding) – occurs in about 1 in every 1,000 abortions,
  • Damage to the cervix (the entrance of the womb) – occurs in no more than 10 in every 1,000 abortions,
  • Damage to the womb – occurs in up to 4 in every 1,000 abortions during surgical abortion,
  • You may have a slightly higher risk of premature birth after having an abortion,
  • Repeated abortions can cause damage to your cervix and increase the risk of late miscarriages and have trouble having kids in the future

After 24 weeks there are a number of rarer situations when an abortion may be carried out. These include:

  • If it’s necessary to save the woman’s life,
  • To prevent grave permanent injury to the physical or mental health of the pregnant woman,
  • If there is substantial risk that the child would be born with serious physical or mental disabilities.
Adoption:

There are a number of reasons why people choose to place their child up for adoption. Here are some of things you will need to think about if you went down this route;

  • Having a child as halted your education or career
  • Financially cant cope,
  • Some women are unable to terminate the pregnancy,
  • Placing a child for adoption with a loving family who can provide a safe and happy home can be a great comfort for a birth mother,
  • They have committed parents and a stable home and they have opportunities and resources that you may not have been able to provide for them at your stage in life,
  • Provide a family who cant have children with a child,
Disadvantages:
  • You will have no say in how or where your baby is brought up,
  • Won’t be able to contact your baby once they have been adopted,
  • The child may be placed with several different families until a suitable one is found,
  • Is a legal process and you will have to cut all legal ties with your child,
  • Also half-brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins on that parent’s side will then be legally unrelated to the child
  • It is important to note, that these terms fluctuate between agencies

For more information on adoption click here: https://www.gov.uk/child-adoption/birth-parents-your-rights

Fostering:

Means that your baby will be placed with a foster carer who will bring up your child alongside you and your local authority. Here are some of things you will need to think about if you went down this route;

  • It has no legal contract like adoption does,
  • In the future you may be able to take over the caring responsibilities of your child yourself and become a family,
  • Financial assistance may be given to support the foster parents,
  • The child has stability with one family and is not being places in several different homes,
Disadvantages:
  • Children may be unhappy away from their parents even though the situation at home may not have been very good,
  • If the foster home does not work out for the child or the parents they may be moved on to another home,
  • Other children form the foster home may be difficult with the new children
  • Foster children coming into the home could influence a previously sheltered child,
  • There may be deep attachment between the foster parent and foster children.
  • However, children often choose to return to their blood parents, which could be hurtful to the foster parents
  • Your local council can take a child into care without your permission using a care order

For more information on fostering click here: https://www.gov.uk/if-your-child-is-taken-into-care/overview

Raise them:

Raising a child can be difficult but also rewarding, here are some of things you will need to think about if you went down this route:

  • The cost – it can be very expensive to raise a child, some of the items you will need include a cot, a pram, clothing, baby monitor, high chair and bottles are just a few of the things you will need.
  • Transport – How will you get to the several health checks and injections needed in the first few months.
  • Time – you will need to learn how to balance your work commitments, education and being a parent as well as allowing yourself some much needed down time.
  • Balance – learning to balance your emotions can help when having a child. Acting out in anger can leave a lasting impact on your relationships.
  • Impact – have you thought about the impact it could have on you and your family? Are you ready for a child? Can you give the child the best start in life?
  • Responsibility – Adapting to change, you now have to work hard to give your new child the best start it can get. You will start to think differently and be more selfless, there is now another person involved and they’re relying on you to provide for them.

Ultimately the choice is yours, using critical thinking to highlight the positives and negatives will help, but also be aware of how you feel when thinking about your options

Miscarriage:

A miscarriage is when a pregnancy ends without purposeful intervention and does not result in a living baby (purposeful intervention to end a pregnancy would be an abortion). This can happen for a variety of reasons and is often due to chromosomal abnormalities in the developing baby – it simply did not develop enough to survive, and that is not the pregnant person’s fault. However, excessive alcohol, smoking, or drug use can potentially lead to these abnormalities.

A miscarriage is often upsetting for those involved, and they may go through stages of grief. If someone you know has experienced a miscarriage, you could support them by:

  • Respecting what they have been through – this is a very private and intense experience, and so if you know about it, you should not share that information unless you have permission.
  • Being patient – the person experiencing the miscarriage may need time for their body to process what has happened, and they may not be able to physically exert themselves. They may need time to re-adjust and may be unavailable to their prior commitments, so be patient as they go through this.
  • Being kind – for some, miscarriage can be a traumatic experience as the loss of a wanted child. Be kind as they emotionally process their loss and grief.

If are worried about or suspect you are having a miscarriage, you should consult your doctor as soon as you can as complications can be serious. Below are some services for further information and help for those affected.

"It (the resources) goes about it in a much better way, it goes deeper than other resources, it does make them think and consider, so they’re good resources in that regard, definitely, I wish we’d done it (the program) first"

Hutton Grammar School